Damaged at Best

FIL update: Currently my mil is fighting with insurance and the specialty hospital about what will happen within the next week regarding fil. The specialty hospital wants to move him ASAP because he doesn’t have any more medical issues. However they suggest he be moved to assisted living, virtually just a nursing home. Therapy will not be the main concern there and that really scares my mil, and me too quite frankly.

The insurance and his rehab specialist wants him in rehab. He needs to have therapy several times a day everyday if possible. He can only really move one arm and if he stays in the bed much longer there is a real possibility he will never leave it. In effect never going home.

We should know this week what they plan to do for sure. We are praying that it will be rehab. Even though it will be more painful for him it is in his best interest. There was no point in him having surgery to correct a heart problem if he is never out of the bed to reap the benefits.

Prayers that they are moved to putting him in rehab instead of assisted living(nursing home) would be greatly appreciated. Even if he ends up not being able to do rehab and goes to a nursing home, at least he would have had the chance.

Living Proof the Camera is Lying

Hello my friends… you still with me? No?? Well I’ll update anyway.

It’s been a rather interesting two months since I last updated, yep two full months (and a couple days but who’s counting… really who?). Most of what I am about to share is actually good news. I know this is a rare occurrence for my blog and I would appreciate it if you just bear with me while I share. *insert a happy smile here*

Let’s see… first up… My father-in-law: He is in a step down hospital, awake and the only thing (other than his weight) keeping him down these days is the Foley catheter. Actually, a lot more is keeping him down but he is able to leave his room in his chair, its actually the only way he can be moved around. He can’t lift his left arm at all and his right he can barely lift but he is making improvements.

He has a bit of trouble with short term memory so if you ask him what he had for breakfast at lunch time he will recall something from three days ago. These are minor issues seeing as he’s stuck in a very mundane mode of operations for the time being. Meaning he wakes, eats at a set schedule, sometimes has therapy and sits around watching TV all day. You can see why his short term would be pretty much shot, everything is the same any ways.

They are talking about moving him to assisted living. This would be good in a lot of ways but my mother-in-law worries that it is to early. That and she feels more comfortable with the staff of the hospital at ready dispatch I think. The good is then instead of only half an hour of therapy every other day, just during the week, he will get therapy several hours a week, and gradually increase until he’s able to take care of himself again. Plus it won’t be nearly as boring for him.

His pain issues have been resolved amazingly enough! Praise God for a super smart doctor that found the problem the first day, a problem that my father-in-law has had for years now in his legs. Gout! Yep! Gout, he has been walking around with pain in his knees, that his personal physician had attributed to being overweight and diabetes, for years that could have been easily treated back when it started. He is now pain free, which is wonderful news since his therapy doesn’t hurt him so much anymore.

He has lost just over 20lbs since being in the hospital. I’m excited to see this come down further with his structured diet and the implementation of therapy and exercise. Hopefully he will continue with it when he eventually makes it home. That will be up to him and my mother-in-law, I’m hopeful that they will continue for not only their health but so they will be around longer for their sons and granddaughters.

All in all he is on the mend. I am so thankful for each and every person who has prayed for his quick mending. The good thoughts and prayers have not been overlooked by us and we appreciate each and every one of you.

Now… on to ‘us’.

Where shall I start… oh I know… Mike’s job.

In my last post I mentioned about a job that would have made a significant difference to our current hardships, a job that appeared to have been falling through at the time. Well, Mike got it, and started Monday.

The shifts are kind of going to take some time to get used to. Its a rotational job having him gone for two weeks at a time but returning him to us for a full week of down time. The increase in pay will ensure that we are no longer negative in our bank account, which is a huge relief to both of us. It will also ensure that we are able to do things as a family on that week in which he is home. He already has me making a list of different activities I may want to try.

This new job will also allow us the freedom to actively look for a house, hopefully next spring. I want to have a good amount of money saved up by then and I think if we stay pretty much on the same budget we’ve been on (just with a few minor adjustments) then we should be able to have a nice down payment and then some.

This year really has been rough for my family, not just Mike and I or his parents but for my family as well. I hate to see all the struggle going on. I just keep trying to remind myself that things work out for good in the end even if we don’t know at the time what they will be.

I truly believe that if God hadn’t wanted Mike to get that job it would have fallen through a million different ways. He’s there now and will be until Sept 3rd but the girls and I will be fine. This is a new and positive step in our lives and we are looking forward to where else God may lead us.

Dresses by Auntie B

Photo Sharing – Video Sharing – Photo Printing

My sister-in-law created these dresses by hand for the girls. They took her months and we absolutely adore the time she took on them. I thought I would share, not only as a way to brag but to show off the girls. They are getting so big.

Too Sleepy

Photo Sharing – Video Sharing – Photo Printing

Poor V! You see she may be three years old however she still has to have a nap during the day. Some days she decides not to until after 3pm, those days I have to keep her from attempting it because their bedtime is at 8pm and if she sleeps that late she’ll never go to sleep.
This day in particular I made dinner and she promptly took one single bite, came over sat next to me. ‘I sleepy mommy.’ I tried to get her to go eat but she wouldn’t and five minutes later she was out cold. I hate putting her to bed without eating but she slept straight through until around 7am. So I suppose if she was really hungry then she wouldn’t have allowed that to happen right?

Spiralling

My life.

My father in law is still in a medically(at least we hope) induced coma from his heart surgery that was performed on June 2nd. Heart is working fine, kidneys have started functioning(not perfectly but at least they have stopped shutting down), his lungs however… Well he’s on a ventilator and everytime they try to take him off the sedatives he fights the vent, which results in them putting him back under.

Its a vicious cycle and now he has a fever. My husband has decided that he is pissed the doctors told my mother in law that they didn’t know what it was. I don’t see why he thinks they should just spit out a diagnosis, it takes time and they have nothing to really go on.

I really honestly wonder if they gave his condition prior to surgery the proper attention it deserved. He was 295 lbs prior to surgery, diabetic and had high blood pressure. He refused to stick to any form of a healthy diet. He could barely get himself up out of his chair and couldn’t walk for very long. And yet they went ahead with a surgery that even if he hadn’t had a set back that first night he wouldn’t have been able to get himself out of bed on his own anyways.

I feel so defeated right now. Not only with everything going on with my in laws I have the added stress of my parents living far away. My father lost his toes and is still struggling with pain. They are letting their house go into foreclosure and are moving into an apartment. Two of my brothers are unable to move with them for the simple fact there is no room in the apartment for them, and they are both over 18 so they should be able to fend for themselves so to speak but are making life hell for everyone else. They both still believe that my parents should have to cater to their every whim. I can’t be down there to help and it really breaks my heart to be so far away. I hate feeling helpless.

Then… there is us.

Mike busts his ass everyday to go to work and do everything he can to bring in a paycheck. And all we have to show for it is a constant(I mean this literally) negative balance in our bank account. Its not just some exagerated thing. Its my reality. We will have to move in with his parents. There is just not anything else we can do.

He had been looking into a job that would substancially heal us and now it is falling apart. Our life is spiralling quickly and there doesn’t seem to be any ledge for us to grab onto and stabalize. I have honestly been avoiding everyone. Why? Because I don’t think I can handle one more person complaining about something trivial like not being able to buy some new toy because it’s not in the budget. For me, going grocery shopping isn’t even in the budget. Our money goes for bills and rent, and we go negative to buy groceries.

I personally feel like our family/s deserve a bit of happiness. For those that tell me “Well at least you have your health…” Health won’t pay the bills or keep you fed.

I also think that if I hear one more time that it’s hard everywhere right now I just may scream. It isn’t supportive to hear that.

Hey there

Ugh has it really been a month since I wrote anything on here? Bleah!!  I’m so sorry.

Life in general is pretty crappy for us right now. The bills keep piling up and we can’t get ahead. So there really hasn’t been much to blog about. 

The girls are doing really good. Last week we had a potentially scary thing happen. V being the little copy of me that she is decided it would be nice to introduce her face to the corner of our coffee table. Thankfully it was only just a bit bloody and she ended up with a black eye for a few days. It is starting to look much better now, and we may get lucky with her not even having a scar. 

As if that wasn’t scary enough for me while I was on the phone with Mike explaining what happened and trying to calm down. M tore out of the bathroom, tripped over a toy and introduced her chin to their solid wood toy kitchen. Thankfully we escaped any bleeding on her account and she wound up with just a really nice bruise. 

Really other than our little misadventures in the home we haven’t done much. The weather has gotten warm here, running in the higher 50’s so I have been trying to go through their clothes and pull out the summer stuff. Camping season has finally begun, tonight will be M’s first night out at the campsite with Grandma and Grandpa all by herself. We are going to try to enjoy the few we will get in this summer.

Our families have been plagued with physical illness. It started in September with my dad, that ended last month with the removal of three of his toes. This is the hardest for me to handle seeing as the doctor that first saw him could have had him in for an angioplasty and saved months of pain, suffering and amputation. But no, they gave my dad the run around for months until his toes finally turned black and had to be taken off.

Mike’s mother had to have her gallbladder removed a couple months ago and so it knocked her on her butt for a few weeks. She is finally doing much better from that. But now Mike’s dad is the concern for us. A couple weeks ago he was in for a normal check up when he couldn’t pull himself up out of the waiting room chair and the doctor saw. This is nothing new for us to see because it happens very often, he has diabetes and is nearly 300 pounds. But his doctor thought that there was something else going on, that he shouldn’t be that debilitated that he can’t pull himself out of a chair.

Sure enough his heart is nearly clogged. He is going to have to have a valve replacement and double bypass, possibly more but they haven’t heard all the details yet but it will have to happen soon. So a lot of family illness issues at the moment.

Mike and I are doing okay despite our constant money issues. We are stuck in a hole and are having a seriously hard time trying to find the surface. Drowning in bills and negative bank balances is slowly starting to drive a wedge though. I feel badly that I can’t help. Mike has applied for another job though, we are about a month out from them having a decision. If he doesn’t get picked for the job though then I will pick up a night job, with or with out his approval. We just can not continue down this path. The girls will ultimately suffer and I won’t allow it.

The major blow to my self esteem this month was having to ask my mother in law to buy groceries for us last weekend. I was depressed for several days after it, and am still dealing with it. I have a feeling it will happen again in a few weeks when we yet again are negative and just trying to make ends meet. 

I hate to be so negative in my posts. Our life is just not all sunshine and roses right now. There are points where the happiness can break through and I am so very grateful for those moments. Like seeing the girls happy giggling and wrestling on the floor, or seeing Mike laugh at one of my silly little stories. I am just putting my faith in a higher power to see us through this storm. For so long I haven’t been with all the overwhelming trials we have had to deal with. 

We will get there, how and when is up to God.

You’re Not Immune

All of us need humor. There is not a single one of us that is immune to it. You want to feel better, find someone that will make you laugh. Trust me. 

The best help for a bad day is laughter. 

I believe children are built to be this way with out fail. Thats why even if they are doing something ridiculous and that you’ve asked them a million times not to, you just sometimes want to laugh. Its why you absolutely look back on those memories and giggle or have to hold yourself together while you laugh harder than you ever had before.

Our day yesterday was hell, M is sick… I don’t know what is up with it but she hasn’t eaten anything and can barely keep down water. Today has not been much better, waking before the alarm clock to your daughter screaming that the bed is wet just sucks worse than anything. Knowing that the soaked bed is because of throw up… it really doesn’t make you want to get out of bed in the morning.

V is very worried about her sister, yes a 2.5 year old can worry about her older sister. Especially when said sister hasn’t moved from the couch in over 24 hours and she usually plays non-stop with you. Anyways, she stripped out of her clothes and struggled to put on her and zip up her winter coat. I asked her what she was doing.

V: “I go store. Nee pop icle. M ick. Me feel her better.”
Me: “V I really do not think going to the store naked is a good idea. There is snow on the ground.”
V: “ooh…” *she stands there looks out our balcony door for a few seconds* “oooh BOOTS!” and she runs over and tries to find her snow boots.

This is what you get:

 

V ready to go to the store

One really silly kid, and one very lighter mommy. Out of all of this atleast she’s made me smile for a little bit. Now if only M will get over whatever is making her stomach so upset.

Things I’m Looking Forward too…

Right now:

• The Twilight Special Edition DVD Release March 21st 
• My Passion Party delivery… any day?
• My new iFrogz purchase ugh today or tomorrow I need it!!!  So in love!!!
• My first anniversary – March 29th
• The snow to melt… whenever that happens

Just a boring blog post lol

Always Gunna Be An Uphill Battle

****Warning…. um… I may have used a bit of profanity in this post… consider yourself warned!****

My life is just like the title says. At least so it would seem lately. After all the pain from November to January you’d think I would be running to Michigan to visit my family. I decided I won’t. We may go this winter though. As in later this year.

I miss my dad and my family. I miss my mother. I love them all dearly and as much as I want to go and help my dad through what is going on with him I know that it wouldn’t really matter. I can be there for him from here. If he’ll let me.

My parents seem to think that it is best to keep me in the dark repeatedly about things until the very last minute. I’m sick to death of being the last to know. I can’t change that myself and I’m sick to death of the guilt that is pushed on me without reason. I have wanted more than once to hang up on my mother because of the things she says to me. I love her don’t get me wrong but the ‘oh woe is me’ crap is seriously irritating. And damn it is NOT my fault.

She’s also had the audacity to blame me solely for the extended silence between my sister and I. My sister knows how to contact me, my email address has been the exact same for over 5 years. She has my phone numbers, both have not changed for years. There is NO excuse. And yet I am the one that is at fault. I am immature about all of it. Whatever, I refuse to be the one to bend first, it may seem ridiculous but she called me basically a whore, and elluded to the fact she felt my children were bastards because they were born out of wedlock. She can kiss my fat white ass! I have never once said anything mean towards her. I have nothing to apologize for. I’ve made my own mistakes in my life and I have no one but God to answer to for them. Not her! So she can take a flying leap to the moon for all I care. And I wish I could shove the damn ‘Donate money so I can go to Africa!’ papers she mails to me every month up her ass! She wont apologize but she wants me to donate money to her. With out actually asking no she just sends the notes, I know its not autoated because its her handwriting on the enevelopes. Not so much as a ‘Hi how ya doin?’ BAH!!

Crap I’m complaining alot today huh? Oh well not many people read here.

The girls are wonderfully aggravating… I think only mothers of small children will understand that one. I love them, I get irritated with them, I want to run away. Then I want to kiss their little faces and make them giggle. Yep, thats pretty much how the day goes. M is the ring  leader for a LOT of shit that goes on around here. The crying, the hitting, the messes, the laughing, the screaming, the giggling and drama. That is pretty much how the day goes. V is adorable beyond words and just as frustrating; she is more stubborn than anything I’m prepared to deal with. 

Would I change any of that? Would I give it up? HELL NO!! In fact I welcome more. My mother-in-law seems to think that when I get a little frustrated that I should NEVER have another. I say I need another to give me a bit more to do. I absolutely love being a mother. All the frustrating moments included. Hearing ‘I love you mommy’ even just once is the best gift in the world. I love them unconditionally. Even when they are screaming and having a fit. Even when I want to scream and lock myself in my bathroom with my iPod volume as loud as I can get it, I love them and would gladly have another. 

Sorry I know this post is random and crazy just a bunch of shit on my brain screaming to get out. It’s getting rather long. I just needed to get it out. I’m feeling slightly better. I have been finding therapy in writing, not so much here at my blog but on a fanfic… silly I know. But it’s practice and it is fun, playing with characters from a favorite book. Or series in my case. Anyways I’m rambling and probably boring the crap out of you.

Have a wonderful Saturday!

What a freaking bummer

Saturday freaking sucked!!!!  And that’s putting it very mild.  I woke up at 4 am smelling cat piss.  In my room!!  Mind you we keep the bedroom doors closed most of the day and all night.  One of our cats, Foo, decided to piss in our dirty laundry basket!!!  Then he proceeded to attack Mike when he was being put in the kennel for when we left for breakfast.

It wouldn’t be so bad if this cat only did it on accident, but we’ve seen him piss on the futon, or in the corner by our balcony door.  I’m alittle ocd about scooping the box every single day and once a week all the litter is thrown out, the box cleaned and new fresh litter put in.  With two cats using the same box if I don’t take care of it we’d smell piss all the time.

So Mike and I finally had to make a decision about what to do.  Foo now has a new home. M screamed when Mike left with him. I feel like the worst mother in the world.  I loved that cat.  I can’t believe we had to get rid of him, but I can’t keep cleaning up cat piss.  Poor Turbo is depressed and I don’t know what to do.  We will not be getting another cat for a while.  I don’t think Mike and I can handle it.  

I’m sitting here wishing that we could get him back but it’s impossible. Plus it wouldn’t be really smart, he’d just find something else to spray and we can’t afford to have him nuetered right now so I just pray his new ‘parents’ take good care of him. Bleah, and I was doing so well and now I just want to scream!! And worst of all is when M asks when he’s coming back. I hope she forgets him soon!