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I find it truly amazing how fun these girls are. My true heart wandering around outside of me!

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Holy crow! Christmas was busy busy! I wasn’t prepared even though I had all my shopping done. Except for food shopping. The 23rd I woke up sick with an odd stomach virus. It was horrid and threw off my whole schedule. My hubby came in that day also so it was just hectic and didn’t really stop from there.
Christmas Eve we went out to my parents to celebrate my sisters 19th birthday. Then rushed home at 8:30 so the girls could open their Christmas Eve gift from us. This is always pjs but this year they also got a Christmas themed movie and popcorn. So they took popcorn and a movie downstairs. Then we waited for them to go to sleep finally around 10 so we could finish prepping for Christmas morning.
All in all Christmas wonderful. We had more family with us this year and it was beautiful. Even with a few bumps, like my dads car deciding it was just too cold at -10F to start.
I’m looking forward to packing away the Christmas decorations after New Years and getting to start a brand new year.
2014 is hopefully going to be a great year!

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Constantly walking around now. Growing too fast!!

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Since August 2010 my youngest two sisters have lived with us. There has been ups and downs and every imaginable mood shift known to females! But I can honestly say that I’ve loved having them here. I had very limited contact with them between Feb 2002 and the time they moved up to live with us. Since then one of them has turned 18 and graduated from High School, and gotten one semester of college under her belt.

Recently she’s taken to being very much not home. Even when she is home she finds ways to avoid us, or picks a fight and hiding in her room. She’s dropped pretty big bombs on our family from time to time. Enough to make you want to scream and yell at her. Then it gets quiet. In the last month we’ve had several blow ups. Now that Christmas is just days away she’s decided to drop another proverbial bomb on us.

Apparently its time for her to move out. At least she believes this. She wants to try new things. I can respect this! It’s hard to be the one with the experience and want to offer advice. The letter she gave me explaining why she’s doing what she’s doing blatantly tells me that she wants nothing to do with my advice or opinions. She’s annoyed by our mother being worried and thus giving her own opinions.

I was in her shoes, sort of but not really back in late 2001 and 2002 before I moved across the country. I’ve made so many mistakes in my past and I’ve owned up to them, asked for forgiveness from God. I just wish that she would listen maybe to some sense. But I feel it will be wasted and fall on deaf ears. I love her to pieces and I want her to make good decisions. I want so much to see her succeed but I think she’s blinded by this boy she’s seeking that she’s stopped to look and see just how much her actions affect the rest of us who care deeply for her.

Moving out, getting married, then moving across the country, then months later becoming separated then divorced was extremely hard. I had no one here, my family was thousand miles away. I was forced to deal with so much so soon. I wish I had listened to my parents and friends sooner. At the time I should have. Though here I am today, three beautiful daughters, a wonderful and loving (though silly most of the time and hard headed) husband, and a home that is finally starting to actually look and feel like home I can’t say that I would change things really. Doesn’t change the fact I wish I had listened.

I don’t believe she’s ready to listen and actually understand my advice. I don’t think she really cares about my opinion. Just wish she would have stopped to talk to me. I wouldn’t have judged her. I’m not mad she’s moving out. I’m so proud of her for all she’s accomplished with what she’s been through. Just wish it went down a little different. Kinda wish that I mattered a little bit.

This week has been so busy. I looked at my calendar and really, it shouldn’t have been so crazy. It was the final week of the semester at school for the girls, there was something every day basically. A four day week that felt like it was 15! Well not really I guess but it sure felt like it.

Our little Miss A has started walking. Like one day she wouldn’t even stand in the middle of the floor for you and now she’s all over the place. Doing laps around the island, carrying things around and exploring on her own. Its so exciting and yet so sad. A year goes by in a blink now and I just sometimes wish I could have time time back. Miss M is 9! I can’t wrap my head around that. I don’t feel like I should be a mom to a child that is halfway to an age where she could move out.

I thought for sure I’d be able to post from my phone. I’m hoping that I can now that winter break has started , maybe things will slow down. The Hubs comes home Monday afternoon, then Christmas is so close. I have a few things I still would love to pick up, things that need to be wrapped, but not a whole lot. I just need a couple minutes to breathe, a single day of hitting the pause.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, it’s late and I’m exhausted from a full week. But I just wanted to at least post something. It’s a goal.

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Today the girls woke to a jar of super special cookie mix and the gift of some aprons from their little scout elf Lacey. They ended up being very tasty. They shared to fun with two friends that we watch during the week.

Today our little elf decorated the kitchen with pretty little bows. This is good for me, less work. Last year she wrapped all the cabinets in our rental place with Christmas paper. Silly thing!

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The last two days I’ve had a mix of happy Christmas spirit and all consuming rage against a few people. It takes a toll on ones total over all mood when they are mad. What stinks is not being able to say anything to those people. Having to take the ‘higher road’ and sit with your hands behind your back and ignore it because you don’t want to make it worse for the person they are screwing over. Actually, maybe thats not right. They aren’t screwing anyone over, they are just being shifty and think they know everything. They don’t care what you think or that you’re trying to warn them.

I’ve waffled through the emotions of hoping that Karma will bite them on the rear end and just wishing they’d open their eyes before its too late. So very frustrating. Even more so when you can’t do a damn thing about it.

People who crap on other people and constantly get what they want just isn’t fair. But then, I guess life isn’t and will never be fair. All we can do is try to breathe and look at tomorrow hoping it’ll be better than today. <— high road

I just don’t know if I’m ready to let go of being angry about it. Give me a couple days. For now I wish I’d been blessed with laser vision so I could take them out. I’m just not ready for the high road.

Our little scout elf left us a little reminder. She’s very crafty that little Lacey.

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I love Saturday mornings when I can sleep in past six. In the winter it’s easier to be fooled into sleeping even later. This morning I finally got up at around eight thirty. It was hard though, as you can see by the picture. It’s still very dark outside. I had to force myself out of my nice warm bed where I was cuddling Miss A mainly because the fur kids had started pacing in the living room. They can’t be trusted not to eat anything that isn’t bigger than them.

I’m looking forward to when we start getting our light back.

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